Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Why Six Year Olds Shouldn't Watch Sponge Bob

Let me set the mood:
I walk into the living room last night and find Jamie Ruth on the couch watching Sponge Bob Squarepants. I DETEST that show. It's stupid, irreverent, and downright annoying. Taking a deep breath, I conjure up my best "firm-yet-compassionate" parental tone and begin to voice my displeasure:

Me: "I don't LIKE Sponge Bob, Jamie."

JR: "Why? Because it's suck-ish?"

Me: "Did you just say 'suck-ish?'"

JR: "Yeah."

Me: "Where did you hear that word?!"

JR: "Sponge Bob."

By this time, Chuck had come in on the last of our conversation and gave me a look that said, "Was that matter-of-fact enough for you?!" while trying his best to keep a straight face. I knew the next 30 seconds were going to be crucial in making or breaking the point I was trying to hit home. With as much composure as I could muster, I pressed on:

Me: "And that's EXACTLY why I don't like it, Jamie Ruth."

Chuck: "Yeah, you probably shouldn't say that anymore."

Me: "It's not very nice."

JR: "Do you also not like it because it says 'stupid,' selfish,' and 'idiot'?"

Me: "Right. Those aren't nice things to say either. So, we're not going to say things like that, okay?"

JR: "Okay."

Chuck and I make it to the kitchen, put our hands over our mouths and try not to pee in our pants. Not necessarily a parenting moment for the record books. Especially since we didn't even make her turn the channel... right away. :) There are no books out there that prepare you for times like this. My hope is that she'll make it to tween-dom without irreparable damage... from Sponge Bob or the one million other innocence stealers out there in cheeky television land. "Suck-ish." Thanks, Sponge Bob...

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