Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Dr. 35950

I'm a sucker for shows about plastic and reconstructive surgeries. I blame this, in part, on my secret desire to work in the medical field. And I guess I like a good "before and after" photo. Anyways, I used to watch a lot of "Dr. 90210" and follow Dr. Robert Ray and his crazy antics, but I don't think the show comes on anymore. So when an old friend of mine was in desperate need of a rhinoplasty, I thought, "Hey, I can do that. How hard can it be?"

Meet Frosty. (Did I have you going? For just a second, even? Nah, I didn't think so.) Sometime last year this poor guy lost his nose. Apparently, my husband was unaware (I, of course, had his nose safely tucked away in the kitchen junk drawer) because he was a little freaked out when he couldn't find the missing part in the attic. This snowman has sentimental value to both of us because it was the first Christmas decoration we bought when we got married. If memory serves me correctly, Frosty rode home from K-Mart strapped to the top of our clown car, I mean, our tiny Honda Civic. We proudly displayed him on our front porch in all his tacky, plastic glory. Ahh, memories....

So I HAD to help a fella out. I mean, he's like family. Dr. Pearson to the rescue! I prepped him for surgery by cleaning the affected area with alcohol and then scuffing it up a little with a sanding block (per the instructions on the bottle of E 6000. Don'tcha just LOVE E 6000? It and duct tape are my faves. Oh, yeah, and super glue. But I digress...).
Look at the poor fellow. Frosty without his carrot nose... a travesty, I tell you. A complete travesty.
After I waited the appropriate amount of time to let the glue get sticky, I reattached his nose. But then problems arose in the operating room. Because the nose was so tall, it began to lean.... Look, Frosty can't be greeting my guests with a crooked nose. I've got an image to uphold. So in comes the blue tape (I love blue tape. It should have been included with the aforementioned list. Again I digress...) and viola! Straight as an arrow! Sporting the blue tape, he looks like a real plastic (no pun intended) surgery victim, I mean patient.

Frosty recovered, lying down of course, for the recommended 24 hours like the E 6000 instructions dictated. And now, he's as good as new! He's still taking it easy, though. I've not yet put him outside, but I think he's enjoying hanging out with the inside decorations this year. I can't be sure, but I think his little nose-job has boosted his self-esteem. I thought I overheard him tell our wooden, stand-up Grinch figurine that he's thinking of asking for a little lipo next year...

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